The best way to cherish life is not to maintain health, but to manage emotions.
Recently, there is a saying that is very popular: emotional illness, will become a new type of cancer.
I changed it before, I will not believe it until the day when Alan was in trouble.
Alan is a mother of a second-line town. She suffered from cancer in the fifth year after marriage without warning.
Going to the psychotherapist once, the therapist asked her what is her biggest wish in her life?
She only replied: “I hope that I have a home of my own, only with my husband and children, not too big, it doesn’t take long, just give me a few months.” Before I was sick, my mother-in-law disliked her for a while.Petting a child, she said that she was doing housework and slashing.
She has mentioned several times to bring her own, but there is no result, telling herself that “forbearance and forbearance will pass.”
One forbearance is five years.
The uncomfortable and depressed feelings accumulated in your heart for many years, you may have forgotten, but the body will always remember.
Alan is like this, until the late stage of cancer, I found out that my heart is sick.
There have been investigations showing that if there are frequent quarrels between husband and wife, the cold war will kill twice as much as the average person; if you and your child often have conflicts, the death tragedy may be much higher. because of all yourAnxiety, depression, anger, and sadness will weaken your immune system and turn into insomnia, headache, stomach, gout and even cancer to hurt you, so that you can’t escape.
Some people will say that I occasionally make a small temper, what is the relationship?
But the truth is that the unconscious emotion is the invisible killer in life.
Have you encountered the following situations?
If someone doesn’t immediately reply to your WeChat, you are worried that you are wrong.
When people are too long, they dare not say their own opinions. The meeting will always sit in the corner.
Although I love children very much, I often say: I have worked hard to raise you, why are you not obedient?
How do you see other people’s home XXX. If you are like this, then be careful.
Being too concerned about other people’s eyes can lead to bad emotions inwardly attacking, and blaming others will make them timid and worried, and will never get inner satisfaction.
These invisible emotions have been accumulating in the dark, just like a lesion.
In the long run, it will dominate your behavior and even affect your personality and temperament.
She is “the woman most in need of this era”. Yu Yuming’s mother once had an emotional breakdown, but she was quickly saved by her in the “emotional avalanche”. At 10 o’clock, she never saw a person with such a high management mood – Hailan, the most in this era.Need a woman.
Hailan’s father did not meet his talents, but he graduated from Peking University and was sent to work as a coal worker.
The young sea blue became the object of the father’s venting emotions: everything is cautious, for fear of doing something wrong, but in any case, it is inevitable that he will be beaten by his father.
Under this kind of native family, Hailan has a strong perception of people with emotions.
But she did not fall into the shadow of the past, but instead made up her mind that she could no longer let others suffer emotional misfortunes.
Don’t donate money.
Hailan became a double-degree female doctor in medicine and psychology.
After attending a medical doctorate, he also loaned $100,000 to specialize in psychology at Vanderbilt University, the third-ranked nationwide.
In 2008, when her daughter was 10 years old, she decided to take the lead and transform the team to provide psychological relief for nearly 100,000 teachers and students in the disaster area. It was rooted in the Wenchuan earthquake zone for three years.
Even the annual flower armor, Hailan continues to share her emotional experience, and the footprints are all over the “Women in the World”, “Psychological Interview”, “Interview with Yang Lan”, “Reducing My Life” and other major programs.
Even Yang Yan, Zhou Guoping, Xu Xiaoping, Yu Minhong, Yu Dan, Qiu Wei and other 50 celebrities were amazed at her.
Yu Yuming’s mother also regarded her as an expensive person.
Ten years ago, Yu Yuming suffered an accident while filming. 39% of the body was burned and had to lie in the hospital for 2 years.
Yu Yuming was hospitalized for more than 800 days, and her mother took care of him 800 days and nights.
When a person is waiting, the picture of her son’s burn accident is like a movie in her mind. She is worried that this will go down. Is Yu Yuming going to die?
Under the guidance of Dr. Hailan, she learned to adjust her mood and get along with her son with a positive and optimistic attitude.
It is said that the happiness of a family depends to a large extent on the mother’s emotional cultivation.
It was the mother’s stable mood that gave Yu Haoming the courage to let him recover the most difficult time, step out of the trough and resurrect with blood.
“Don’t let your love become a debt.” She used a word to solve the deep contradictions between husband and wife, often wrapped in short coats of parents, but with devastating power.
Some time ago, a female executive, Xiaoli, came to Dr. Hailan. She still had a few tears to grab the serial port: “I have a high income and bear most of my expenses.
My husband’s house is bought by me. His family is sick and I also pay for it. The housework is for me, the child is my manager. I pay so much to him, but he is getting colder and colder to me.I want to quarrel as soon as I speak.
After hearing this, Dr. Hailan sighed and taught Xiao Li, who had eliminated the emotions.
In emotional management, there is a very common mental model called the “debt mode”.
Dr. Hailan said: “No one of us does not love family with all our heart.
But if you pay every time, you think that the other party should return yourself, this is to lend money to others.
In the house, you owe me a sum of money; help you wash your clothes, you owe me a sum of money; help you with housework, you owe me a sum. Over time, women will inevitably feel extraordinarily wrong, because they alwaysI feel that it is “the other party owes me.”
The “credit mode” is the source of pain in interpersonal communication.
Even if the other person is your parents, children, siblings or loved ones, once they feel that they owe you anything, they will instinctively avoid this burden.
Because no one wants to be a debtor in an intimate relationship.
“Xiao Li wants to understand this from the source, and the problem is solved. When she helps her husband to seize it, she will not treat herself as a creditor. She will give him a worry because of love. Leave a fixed time to himself every day.When I can’t control it, I can use the peeling onion method taught by Dr. Hailan to eliminate the emotion. After three months, the frequency of the quarrel between Xiaoli and the couple has dropped sharply, and the living state is completely different.
The husband began to help Xiaoli to cook and cook. The two also went out to play together on weekends. In the past few days, they were still in the circle of friends, and they were more than one grade sweeter than before.
Stable emotions are the highest self-cultivation of a woman. When she is married, after we start a career, we are used to being unhappy, but in the face of emotions, like a vulnerable child, I don’t know how to be good.
At the age of 20, we asked: How to become more confident and dare to express your views aloud?
Parents don’t understand themselves and feel very painful. What should I do?
Have to give up a person you like, how to heal yourself?
At the age of 30, we asked: How to face the bad emotions of your lover without quarreling?
In front of the child, how do you manage yourself when you are angry and lose your temper?
How to ease the huge worry caused by the imbalance of life and work?
At the age of 40, we asked: Young subordinates are more and more capable, how can they not be abandoned by the times?
Occasionally, I want to vent my emotions, too impulsive to affect the image, but I feel even more uncomfortable in my heart. I don’t dare to get sick, I don’t dare to relax, what can I do to ease the pressure on the old?
In fact, between you and a happy woman, there is only one emotional class.
People who know how to manage their emotions can know what work is more suitable for themselves. In the face of important choices in life, know how to choose. You can know how to become a confident person, how to manage parent-child relationship and intimate relationship, and drive your loved ones.Start.
Just take action and start learning emotional management today.
A thousand miles begins with a single step.
Don’t let the emotions really become the “cancer” of the relationship, only regret it!